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            超級搞笑的文章看到第一段時就忍不住笑

            來源:網絡整理  作者:admin  更新時間:2016-07-17

            1、學院里一個博士師兄留校任教,此人年近30還沒談過女友,所以學院老師都熱心給介紹女孩子。

            話說我老師介紹了一個女孩子給他,約了個周末兩人出去吃飯,花了120幾。

            師兄要請客,女孩子表示自己也要出一部分(就是那20幾),還開玩笑地說:現在流行AA制,咱們這樣叫AB制,呵呵。

            看到女孩子這么活潑,師兄也雞凍了,大聲附和道:那你的B也太小了,哈哈哈....

            2、有一兄弟平時很豪邁,可是對于他喜歡的女孩子卻很靦腆。終于,在我們幾個兄弟的逼迫下去向那女孩表白。他支支吾吾了半天,人家女孩有些不耐煩了,問:你到底有什么事啊? 然后此兄不知道哪根筋壞了,終于說了一句:求包養!

            3、哥10歲的時候,又聽話又有才,熟讀楊家將等小說,一手漂亮的毛筆字(爺爺教的)。

            過程:一天練字無聊,給爺爺寫了封恐嚇信,毛筆寫的“十萬塊,午時之前埋于門口樹下,否則定取汝全家項上人頭”。包個石頭扔爺爺家院子里,準備嚇他們一下我再進去。沒想到老兩口耳朵不好沒聽到。后來我就進去一腳把那信踢垃圾堆里進去吃飽喝足回家了,忘了這事情。

            后來……

            爺爺發現后嚇呆,枕刀而眠。

            叔叔公安局報案,立案。偵查。

            嬸嬸請了算命的,大仙說“小人惦記已久”。

            一自作聰明的姑姑沉思良久說定是一個高學歷的賊(我小學三年級)。

            一星期后媽媽和姥姥耳語說起這事情被我偶然聽到一句。我問爺爺咋了,媽說沒事,你一邊去。

            真相大白后去公安局銷案。公安說,要不要把這個孫子抓起來判幾個月讓他長點記性?叔叔說不用了不用了還在上小學。





            4、早上起床,老公翻了個身,被子就把他裹起來了,卷了好幾層。我看著繼續呼呼熟睡的他,覺得很可愛,像個待切的壽司。 然后用他的皮帶,攔腰把這個大卷卷系了一圈后,就去上班了。 下午4點鐘回來,看見老公保持著早上待切的壽司造型,還躺在床上,只是角度有些不同,并用幽怨的眼光看著我。他說:餓了一天不是關鍵,我走的時候關了空調把他熱死了不是關鍵,第二天怎么去單位解釋沒上班而且不接電話也不是關鍵,關鍵是:床的正對面是穿衣柜,他看著鏡子中的自己覺得很囧很好笑。大笑的時候尿尿沒有憋住。。。。

            5、我一初中同學,男,長的巨丑無比,牙齒上還有黃黃的紋,看他總覺得他沒刷牙。

            有一天我在家門口買包子,那個包子鋪是我們小區的人經常光顧的店,正巧碰見此丑男騎車過來,看到我買包子,很鄙視的說:你家吃這個啊?這種小鋪的包子我家的狗都不吃!真的,連我家的狗都不吃這個包子,我家的狗只吃富麗餅干,別的餅干都不吃。。。BALABALA...

            我黑著臉走了。。。

            第二天我看見丑男也在那個包子鋪門口買包子,買了好大一兜子,丑男看到我后忙解釋:給我家的狗買的,不能太慣著他,那狗天天只吃富麗餅干。balabala...

            這時此丑男媽媽華麗登場,騎著車過來喊到:鄭彪,包子買好了嗎?快點兒回家,等著你開飯呢,你爺爺都餓了。

            我問:阿姨,您家晚上吃什么啊?

            阿姨:包子啊!

            我:...

            6、小號的一個QQ群里面,新進來一女的,第一句話,各位男士大家好,第二句話,抱抱各位男士~第三句話,我想拍寫真,有愛好攝影的嗎?第四句話,你們說,拍裸體的寫真好,還是拍只遮住重要部位的寫真好?第五句話,裸體的比較唯美,遮住一點的比較誘惑~各位男士覺得哪種好? 還沒等到她第六句話出來,俺就退了那群了。。。

            7、剛入學的時候,全班自我介紹。一男同學走上講臺:“我叫尤勇,來自北京,我愛下棋!”說完就下去了,下一位是個女生,該女嬌羞地走上講臺,忐忑不安地自我介紹:“我……我叫夏琪…我喜歡游泳…”





            8、以前暑假在手機店打工 有一天我向一位顧客推薦一款滑蓋手機(那段時間很流行滑蓋的~)他很激動地告訴我再也不會買滑蓋的了 納悶中他告訴我他來買手機的原因是他的手機被搶了 當時他正在通話中 被搶后他手里緊緊攥著的只有手機的下半身........

            9、上大學時,有一同寢室的哥們,是科代表。教我們是一個年輕的女教員。話說,一天我哥們叼著煙走在路上,突然看到了教員,就走上前去想打個招呼,誰知教員連退兩步說:“我懷孕了!(女教員是害怕煙熏到了)”,我哥們沒有理解意思,瞬間石化,煙都掉了,戰戰兢兢地說了句“不是我的吧!”。

            10、給各位同學說個凄美的愛情故事:這個故事涉及三角戀、江湖恩怨、兒女情長、宗教信仰,只不過很短,只有一句話,“禿驢,竟敢和貧道搶師太!”

            快樂人生,吉利相伴!



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